I went to Barnes and Noble after dinner last night to study for a recertification exam I’m taking later today. A loud-talking couple at a table four inches from mine had the most inane discussion about religion I’ve ever been forced to listen to. About 15 minutes into their dialogue, Loud-talking Girl said, “So, I know I should probably know this, but what exactly is the difference between the Old Testament and the New Testament?” Loud-talking Tutor Guy, “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah… and the rest is just pretty douche-y.”
So how do you avoid learning about the whole Old v. New Testament thing? (To be clear, whatever you believe or don’t believe is quite fine with me and none of my business.) It’s just an impressive knowledge handicap. (Of course, good for her for thinking to ask.) Instead of butting into the conversation to make sure she knew the difference between horses and frying pans, I put my fingers in my ears and tried to keep studying. Sadly the “and the rest is just pretty douche-y” bled through. I wish I’d heard what chunk of the Hebrew Scriptures inspired Loud-Talking Tutor Guy to use the word “douche-y.”
Loud-talking Girl: ”Oh, Dave, I just love these conversations we have!” THEN they started kissing. 4 inches from me and my study guide. SMOOooooCH. ”Me too.” SMOOOOOOCH. Smooch. SMooooOOCH. For the love, people!!! This was obviously my punishment for missing the recertification class.
But wait, there’s more. Then the store was robbed. (No guns or horribleness.) (Buttercup does not die at this time.) Three teenage guys set off the store alarm as they left through the front doors and then they took off like rabbits. A bunch of Barnes and Noble employees tore through the store and ran after them in hot pursuit. There was some fine running going on. And then a get-away truck screeched by. It looked like something out of a TV police drama — with more bookstore employees and fewer actual law enforcement types. Are there a lot of things worth stealing at a Barnes and Noble if you’re a teenage guy? I went home after that.
Here’s hoping we all have uneventful days today.