Asa had his last soccer practice for the season tonight. And as we sat and watched the three remaining three year-olds chase their soccer balls around, the YMCA’s Boot Camp class took the field next to us. (“If pushing yourself to the limit, improving your physical performance and significantly improving the way you look and feel is what you’re looking for, then it’s time for you to enlist in Bootcamp! Men and women who want a tough workout with lots of instructor and ‘unit’ motivation will thrive in this class.”)
There must have been thirty of them — and one muscled “drill instructor” dressed in long, bright yellow basketball shorts. I started taking notes on my iPhone after he hollered, “I dun tol’ y’all what the business was!! We ain’t here to shake our booties!!” They did some calisthenics in a large circle after which he asked “Are y’all warmed up yet?!” It was 90+ degrees. I imagine most everyone was warmed up just fine. The three year-olds were entirely distracted. I was distracted. One exceptionally well-endowed woman worried me as she ran backwards and forwards in a strange shuttle run drill. I will not elaborate.
During each evolution the drill instructor found someone to holler at: “Are you going to let a girl beat you?!?” I was close to walking across the field and challenging him to a mile by the end of practice — lame foot and all. But I didn’t want to interrupt the spectacle. “Look at my butt!!!” “You want to look good for the puuuhl this summer or what?!?” My favorite part was when he yelled, “You got knee problems? I got NO problems with that! I’ll pray for you knees!!”
Sure, one could live in some hip mountain town. But, where’s the challenge and inspiration in that?